5 Truths

 

5 truths about life that I have come to know.

 

1. Just because 2 things are different doesn't mean 1 is good and 1 is bad. It just means that they're different.

 

2. If your happiness depends on people or things, you're going to spend a lot of time unhappy.

 

3.Smiling at strangers is good.

 

4.It's okay to let people help you.

 

5. If something is right there will be nothing you can do to keep it from happening, if it is wrong you won't be able to make it happen.

An Unusually Gloom Day

Today I am discouraged.

I'm packed with work and things I need to get done and I straight up don't feel like doing them.

I miss Joseph. Sigghhh.

I haven't gotten a letter in 2 weeks, but he did send me a bunch of pictures!

Which resulted in tears.

Happy tears and also frustration.

I'm feeling like laying in bed listening to Home by Blake Shelton on replay and doing nothing with myself all night.

Which would be an awful idea because I have 2 essays to write and a lesson to prepare for seminary tomorrow.

Maybe I will just eat a whole row of Oreos and get on with my life haha!

Anyone feel free to cheer me up on this unusually gloom day :)

All my love, Lauren.

Playing Catch Up

I know, I know, this post is sooooo over due.

But, life is busy, and that's a good thing.

 

Anyways, I am a Junior now!

As lame as it sounds, I really do feel a ton older.

Although I am as positive as positive can be I want to go to BYUI filling out all the college recruit letters is really fun haha!

Makes me feel official ;)

The first 2 weeks of school were crazzzzzyyy.

It never fails, I always get "those" teachers.

The unorganized ones who are mean and scary that everyone in the school avoids at all possible costs.

Yup. Without fail, I always get um.

Buuuuuut, I got a couple *cough* 5 *cough* schedule changes and not things are looking pretty good.

I'm happy with it.

And the really great thing is now that all my friends are driving we go every Friday to get food after school

Haha. We call it Food Friday. I'm so clever.

So there's that. This year really is going to be a bundle of fun:)

 

 

 

And........ Joseph hit his 1 month mark!

Yayyyyy.

Here's a pre mish picture to commemorate.

But mostly because I am sad and miss my bestfriend and look at old photos way too much.

Enjoy!

 

This one is sooooo awkward haha I love it

 

 

 

 

Today in church they had the Laurels teach and the topic was virtue.

You know when you feel like you know what you want to say but then you get all emotional and flustered and it comes out all wrong?

Yea, hi. You are my people.

Trust me, I even had it all written down but between my messy hand writing and teary blurred vision I lost it all.

But, I've been periodically sobbing all day and think I have finally got my thoughts together,

hopefully I will get this out a little better.

And if not, well, I'll just delete it ;)
Ok. Virtue.

By definition it means behavior showing high moral standards.

But broken down and with lots of thought it means sooooo much more.

I feel like it's a constant topic in Young Women's class of you have to be prepared for your future husband which yayaya is great but honestly I am soooo sick of hearing.

Literally every time it is brought up I cringe a little, especially with the topic of virtue.

Maybe that's why I got flustered, because this lesson I prepared on virtue got tuned into a "Ladies, you have to be virtuous so you can find a virtuous guy" Then I look around and see all the mortified Beehive's faces.

To me, virtue is the ultimate quality of Christ.

Yes, you need to marry someone good. It is one of the (if not the) most important decisions in this Earthly life.

But so many people never get married, or like my Mom, you marry a good guy and he goes astray.

I could probably ask any woman, "Do you love your husband?" ... yes

"Is he the most perfect love for you?" .... yes

"When you married him did all the world become perfect, did every temptation go away, was there no more trial or suffering ever because you married the man of your dreams?" ...

HEEYYCK TO THE NO.

You could marry the prophet and still have struggles!

Look at Lehi and Sariah, he was the prophet! And did she still murmur? Yes.

Struggles and trials do not just go away because you are married to a great man.

This is where virtue comes in.

The MOST important relationship in your life should be the one you have with Heavenly Father and Christ.

And know this is all my opinion.

But I have shared with you guys multiple times how terrified I was that when Joseph left I felt like standing on my own would be hard.

-And it has been, but it has been the GREATEST blessing I do not think I am capable of explaining.

My testimony of The Atonement, Prophets, Book of Mormon, My Savior, God, has been elevated so much.

Through study of The Book of Mormon I have determined political views, and morals which will help me stand when the going gets rough.

It's The Book of Mormon that will help you become like Christ and obtain virtue, not a husband.

This topic was obviously for me because I learned so much.

 

 

 

 

I feel bad ending this post on such a heavy note so it's been really rainy and wet here and I enjoy that.

I stopped running for about a month, then started back up to train with a friend for a race, and phew it's hard getting back into it haha, but I love running!

I went out early Saturday morning and ran up a mountain to see the sunrise, then I laid in the grass for a while pondering.

I know it totally sounds like I wasn't running much, but I ran a lot haha.

I just took advantage of the super peaceful moment and took a break.

Here are some photos I took while running!

 

 

Yes, Las Vegas really is just 1 big ol' dust hole.

But I kinda secretly love it.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.



A Lot To Say About Nothing

It's been an eventful week, and a difficult week.

And I have a lot to say, about nothing in particular.

Just a lot to say.

 

First of all, I had no idea how big of a cheese ball I am.

My humor, taste in movies, romance.

I am oh so cheesy.

And you know what?

No regrets.

I love being cheesy, I love watching romantic comedies in my pj's and crying in all the sad parts and practically jumping up and down cheering in all the kissing parts.

Yes. Now you all know.

I'm one of those girls, but ahhh do I love it.

So sweet!

 

 

McKenzie.

My best friend.

The one I go to with all my good and bad.

LET ME NOT EXAGGERATE WHEN I SAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT HER.

She teaches me so much and she is so smart.

Probably the smartest person I have ever met.

And yesterday she left for college.

Uhh, it aches to say goodbye.

But Provo, you're lucky.

I've been saying goodbye a lot lately and I don't think I can take one more.

Here are some pictures of us, and my favorite memories with her.

And then the dreaded goodbye. :(

 

 

 

 

 

Being sick is awful.

I seem to have had EVERYTHING wrong with me lately.

Infections, cough, migraines, achiness, "that time of the month"

You name it, I've had it.

And accompanied by an awful rash was an awful sigh of depression.

I think I was just so sick and stressed out I lost my mind for a couple days there haha.

But with a trip to the temple and some support from great friends and family I made it through!

I'm just done with being sick.

Getting better and on the road to recovery!

 

I got this nifty planner and I am way too excited about it.

It's purple and has lilacs on the inside.

I has a monthly calendar and DAILY!

I keep looking at it and flipping through the pages and it brings me SO MUCH JOY.

LIKE I CAN'T EVEN. I'M SO HAPPY.

But I can't use it until the 2014.

Life is hard.

 

Advice Corner: Everything happens for a reason.

I know I'm a broken record and it's so cliché but seriously guys.

Everything. Happens. For. A. Reason.

I'll share something personal.

This week 2 am I was miserable.

One of the worst pains I have ever experienced.

It was physical, emotional, physiological, spiritual pain.

Everything ached I can't even explain.

And I prayed and felt pretty angry.

I didn't feel relief when all I wanted was comfort.

But I needed to feel that pain.

Gosh I had to, because the very next day I experienced the most beautiful miracle that I would have never been able to witness if I hadn't survived the pain from the night before.

God answers all prayers, but He has His own timetable.

Trust in it.

Endure it.

And He is waiting to bless you.

My testimony burns tonight.

1 Nephi 20:10

Alma 40: 23

 

Phew writing that took a lot out of me.

I look at the title of my post and laugh because it should probably say

"A Lot To Say About Everything"

but I'm too lazy to change it :);)

So oh well

All my love, Lauren :)

 

 



Enduring Love

I'm sorry I seem to have so much to say lately.

A couple weeks ago the missionaries in my ward showed me a Mormon Message.

They warned me that I might cry (Not a shock because I cry at everything), but boy is this powerful.

I was writing my bestfriend tonight who is on his mission and I remembered this video.

I had to share it with you guys.

 

 

Isn't that beautiful.

I love the scripture they opened the video with..."Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." -Ephesians 5:25

That's what got the water works going and gets me every time.

 

While I hope that as I grow old I can remain healthy, I know that things happen that aren't planned.

And you can't control the situation or the circumstances, but you can control how you handle them.

And lets talk about how sweet that husband was.

I feel like no matter how much I say no compliment could do him justice.

I guess writing my bestfriend reminded me of this video because I can picture his parents.

Both of them are very much healthy, but the kind of love that was displayed in this video is that of the love they have.

The love I hope to someday have.

And I know I can have if my life and marriage is centered around Christ and the gospel.

 

Anyways, I'm glad I could share. I love that video so much.

 

All my love, Lauren.



A New Light

I'm well aware I sound like a broken record, but everyday I learn something new.

New about myself or about life.

I'm beginning to understand who I am. A tiny part of who I am, because I think life isn't "discovering" who you are it's inch by inch making decisions and choosing who you are going to be, but anyways I'm rambling and just going to get to the point.

 

1. God will never leave you comfortless. NEVER. He is bound by covenant that if you are faithful and ask for His help He literally cannot and will never deny you.

 

 

2. Forgiveness doesn't have to be a 2 way thing. Stop holding onto grudges because you are only hurting yourself. Honestly the person you are mad at could blatantly not give two craps how you feel about them, but you know who cares? You. Do what's right and what you can to fix things and then let it go. It's not hurting anyone but yourself. And if you don't forgive others you can't be forgiven.

 

 

3. I always consider myself to be afraid of commitment, but I actually think the opposite is true. Recently having something I love dearly being ripped away from me, I want love more than anything else. I just want something and anything to cling onto. Maybe my being afraid of commitment was just mistaken from fear of committing to the wrong person, because it couldn't be anymore more clear than it is now how badly I just want to feel secure in the right things.

 

And that's a wrap.

All my love, and good night. Lauren

Goodbye July!

I'm not going to lie, July sucked. And I am absolutely thrilled it's over.

Even though I look back now and the whole month felt like 5 minutes.

It's August now, and I put my big girl pants on, did my hair and makeup, then turned on some good country music to get ready to and I'm not going to lie it feels good to feel sassy.

July I decided to take a break from blogging for the fear that I would rant and say something unfiltered. BUT I'M BACK! I'm sure you were all dying to hear from me.

 

 

So what's new lately?

I've been feeling extra crafty sewing all kinds of stuff.

So far I have made pocket warmers for my friends serving missions and for the cold winter months, a turban wrap headband, and an infinity scarf.

Woohoo! Not to mention working on that big "Open when" Letter project!

 

 

School starts in under a month. Is this real life?

Am I really going to finally be an upper classman?

Last year I didn't go to a single sports event, so I'm changing that this year.

Count on seeing me in the stands for just about every sport because I really missed that this past year. I have already been in high school 2 years and hardly have had any high school experiences.

Probably because I have had the "I just cant get out of here sooner" attitude, but I', changing that this year. I want to be happy more.

I want to enjoy school, I want to make friends, make memories, and have fun.

 

 

The job hunt is on.

I really really want and need a job, yet again... I don't want a job.

Ughh. I've applied a couple places but so far nothing. Really crossing my fingers for Einstein Bagels.

 

 

When is it going to start cooling off?

I can't take this summer heat much longer.

 

 

I've spent the past two years on my life in jeans and t-shirts.

If somebody asked me what my style is I would say comfortable. Haha is that a style?

But, going back to what I said about making this school year different.... I actually want to get dressed for this year. And if I get a job..... I may actually have money to buy nice things haha.

Really praying for that job.

So I have been on Pinterest trying to discover my "style"

and I have discovered that I like preppy and simplistic clothing.

I'm not a flashy neon color, high low skirt, maxi dress wearing girl.

I like polos, and sweaters over button ups, and sperrys.

If you can't tell I'm starting to get really excited about discovering my fashion identity.

 

 

 

So I think I have covered all the bases.

This blog post was all about trying to play catch up so sorry if I bored you to death, but I promise I have a month of really really good blog ideas coming your way soon.

So stay tuned!

 

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

Wonderstruck

So this past week I have been at girls camp!

And that was crazy and wonderful and a week of a lifetime that I never want to forget, but this blog post is not about girls camp.

This blog post is about an unexpected turn of events in my attempt to create tradition.

Ok I will explain.

 

 

Last year after girls camp I invited Joseph over for dinner the day I got back.

I wanted to tell him every little detail about everything.

He came over and I made lasagna and we talked and played games all night and it was so much fun.

So this year I thought it would be such a great idea to have him over again!

I made lasagna just like I did the year before and already planned all the stories I would tell him and all the games we would get to play and I was a little bit giddy.

Well Joseph seemed to be running on MST Mormon Standard Time.

He was extra late coming home from working on his farm and I know how much hard work that is and that its easy to run late so I just cut him some slack and put a plate together for him and through it in the fridge to warm up when he got here.

Well another change of plans, he sometimes cleans an office building and I guess he needed to do it that night.

So no games.

My super fun start of a tradition night that I planned was looking like a disaster, but I decided to go with him and clean this office with him which I had done before.

And let me tell you, I wouldn't have traded the night for anything in the whole world.

We spent a little time at his house before heading over to the office.

His home is heaven on earth, in a way I cant even begin to explain.

I think it's how his dad hugs me and gives me a couple good squeezes when he sees me, welcoming me home. And standing at the front door smelling an amazing home cooked meal.

I think it's spirit that melts away contentions, but that's not even the best part of the night.

I love the car rides that require no music because the constant laughter and conversation fills the air.

I love the quiet moments we all feel perfectly content without needing to say a word.

I love popping out from behind corners to scare Joseph and his brother when we are cleaning and singing and dancing with my broom, and being silly and messing around.

I love long hugs when I'm being dropped off and I love how the simplest things in the world can mean the most when they are done with people we love.

 

 

AND ITS WONDERFUL

 

Because it struck me in that moment.

It was a perfectly unexpected night and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

Extreme Makeover Blog Edition

Boy.. I really didn't realize how ugly my blog was until I started venturing out more to check out others. I realized it was time for an upgrade. I'm still working on it, but I hope y'all can check it out and enjoy some of the new features!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Along the right side I added some picture of the most important things/ people in my life.

The LDS temple, nature, my best friend McKenzie who has influenced me so much.

The one, the only, Joseph. If you read this blog much you know how important he is.

Shoes, and my family. That is a lovely picture of my sister Lindsey and I on our last family vacation to Hawaii!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over here under my labels I have made it so you guys can check out some of my favorite blogs!

There are many that I read but these are my usuals. And they are fantastic.

Go check them out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OVER HERE NOW!

Under my blog archive I have added some contacts!

They are links to my Pinterest, Instagram and a Q&A section.

So now you can follow me and become nice and familiar with my life and the things that occupy me.

Please check these out, I want to follow back and get to know my readers! :)

 

 

 

 

And that's about it! I'm working on it, so I hope my page isn't too much of a construction zone!

Thanks for bearing with me. :)

 

 

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

Words of Wisdom

Lately I have made it a point to ask for advice. /it all started a couple weeks ago when my friends were passing around this horoscope app on their phone. Horoscopes are total bull and I usually never waste my time with them but In the odd occasion we read mine and it was hilariously accurate. It probably could have been fitting for 50% of the population and I just fell in there, but it was ironic, and hilarious and apparently I need lots of help. So here I am, inspired and thirsting for advice!

 

I have asked a large range of people from my best friend, to strangers, to the churches missionaries. I asked for one piece of advice on life and one bit of relationship advice. I have gotten some really great stuff back. Here are a few of my favorites!

 

LOVE

 

Communicate. Often times the source of problems in a relationship is bad communication so don't wait to tell the person how you feel about something whether it is good or bad. Be ready to talk and understand and solve the problem at hand. If they do something you like tell them! Share the joy and let them know that you appreciated what they did!

 

Don't kiss your boy friends best friend in revenge. It will just be bad for everyone.

 

Timing is everything, slow and steady wins the race.

 

Really get to know the person you are dating. Take a sincere interesting in getting to know them and who they really are. Don't rush into the idea of being in love, instead take things slowly and enjoy getting to know them. Really, really getting to know them. It's so common in the LDS culture to spend little time dating before rushing into marriage but make sure you know who the person you are dating and if you want to spend your life with them.

 

Don't be close minded, date lots of people and do lots of things. Other wise how will you know what you really like?

 

LIFE

 

 

Pray about everything. Every decision, every opinion. Pray in faith that you will get an answer then be ready to accept it.

 

 

Don't worry about what other people think about you because God made you the way you are now for a reason. Do what you want and say what you want (not bad) because you should be happy. Don't care what other people might think.

 

 

Be patient, people are going to frustrate you and make you really mad all the time, but what can you do? Being angry isn't going to help anyone! Just forgive them and be patient. Life will go on, there are so many other and better things you can focus your energy on.

 

 

Never procrastinate the day of your repentance.

 

 

Whatever you are going through, the answer is to always keep your eye on the temple and your relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ stronger then any other relationship in your life.

 

 

 

So I guess I just have some pretty awesome people in my life who are incredibly wise.

I'm feeling extraordinarily blessed.

So I suppose I should leave you all with my advice.

 

For life, wherever you are whatever you do be in love. Even when you are going through a really crappy time find something to be absolutely ridiculously head over heels in love with. Find something you can focus all your energy on and just be happy! Don't let the storm sink you! Adjust your sails!

 

For relationships, don't change who you are to please anyone. If they love you they should be falling in love with YOU. Not someone who adjusted their personality to appeal to that said person. Just be you! Or you will never be happy and may end up resenting the person you changed for. I'm not saying be stubborn and not willing to progress, because I am not saying that at all. In a relationship both people should be expected to give a little and make sacrifices to accommodate but don't change who you are as a person to fit somebody else's ideal.

 

These are things I really wish I had learned sooner, I speak from experience. But all I can do now is just move forward, focus myself in the Lord and give gratitude for all that I have been blessed to learn.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

 

 P.S. Feel free, in fact I am encouraging you to leave a bit of advice for me below un that little comment box!

 

 



When Exhastion Takes Over

I have been up every night the past two week until at least 12.

AT LEAST. Up journaling, reading scriptures, projects, homework. It's unbelievable really. Lack of sleep is starting to take over, but thank goodness only 2 more real days of school right? All my projects are in and I'm feeling good for the most part. I'm just ready for summer to start. to get a full night of sleep.

 

So mostly I'm just trying to play catch up and let y'all know what I have been up to. Thank goodness my blog isn't a child or a pet because it would probably be dead by now. I apologize again.

So where were we..?

 

 

Elder David Scherf is now an official missionary. Woah, felt like yesterday we were walking around neighborhoods passing out flyers and taking polls for the presidential campaign but I guess it was really 7 months ago. It's depressing how time flys. I feel like I never got enough time with him. All those times he invited me over to watch movies or go out to eat I'm regretting a little too much that I turned down. I miss him, I will miss his stories and I will miss his advice, but he's only 7-8 business days away! Czech/Slovakia is very lucky. Well currently the MTC is very lucky but you get the point. He's a great guy and will serve an uber wonderful and faithful mission. I'm excited to see all he will accomplish.

 

 

 

I'm trying this dating thing out. It's hard. I don't think I will ever get a hang of it. Being so natural and comfortable with one person is easy, then you try to mix it up and date around more and then all the sudden I'm a beginner again. This sucks, but I guess I have got to live what I am always preaching.

 

So recently I have realized I only have like 3 good friends. Many friends but only 3 friends. You know the solid stick with ya ones? I think I value the concept quality over quantity so there is that. It's not a good or bad thing, just an odd realization.

 

 

SO I AM TOTALLY TICKED AT MYSELF. I never wrote about this super awesome race I ran in a couple weeks ago?! Grr... Really? Where have I been? Because this was monumental to me. I was invited to go to another stake's track meet. There was a 5k and some sprints/relays. The 5k was amazing, I ran it with this adorable 11 year old. I can't explain the bonding we had but we were besties by the end of this race. I loved her, she's what kept me going. Then I ran in the sprints! I subbed for the Young Women position for a ward in the stake and it was intense. First a Relief Society woman would run, then pass it to a Primary child, who passed it to the Young Woman me, who then passed it to an Elder who took it home. I was ready. Only I would take this silly little track meet and race so seriously, but I was there. Standing at my starting line. I watched us take an early lead once the Primary kid got ahead of the crowd and passed it to the Young Man who was flying. He got closer and closer to me, it seemed like he was flying he was running so fast then next thing you know I picked up his momentum and was running right along side of him. I finished my 100 before passing it to the Elder and there were no Young Women running beside me. That was a great feeling. I love going fast. We won too! And I got this cute little trophy, I adore it. I set it up in my room. I know it's cheesey but hey, it finally feels good to be good at something.

 

And that's about it! I went to Hawaii and cracked my head open, but that's no big deal. If you really want to know just leave me a comment and I will create a post with all the juicy details, but I doubt there is anyone that interested.

 

All my love, Lauren.



Tender Mercies

Here I am. Brought once again to my laptop at ridiculous hours in the night.

Seminary in the morning, I have been up since four am and working all day, but hey I can't control the random urges of inspiration and when I receive them. All I know is that when I witness such a miracle as I did today, it needs to be documented. And quick, so I don't forget a single precious detail. I hope I can remember it all.

 

 

Babysitting is an... adventure sigh. Most of the time it means dirty diapers, crying, make shift meals and bed time stories, but every once and a while something amazing happens. Like tonight, I babysat for a women in my ward at church with a touching story. Recently divorced she is working more then ever and readjusting to single parent life. She is amazing. My sister took on the job of babysitting her 3 kids while she took a 3 day trip to a neighboring state to take care of some business. My sister who is juggling a few jobs called on me to watch her kids today so she could work and this job was not like the rest.

 

We played, made dinner, attempted the dishes and snuggled on the couch to watch Bubble Guppies.

Her kids were so loving and affectionate towards me. They latched onto arms, legs, my torso, always gave me kisses and hugs. I ate it up of course. Who would deny 3 of the cutest most lovable kids on Earth? When it started to get later I brought 2 of the 3 kids upstairs for a bath because one of them was at sports practice. These kids were unbelievable- in the good way. They humor me. Seriously they are hilarious. I fixed their bath tub with bubbles and turned on the jets and we had a hay day. They bathed for a good 45 minutes and just had a blast! I threw them in the shower to rinse off then wrapped them like a burrito in their towels and carried them like babies to their bed. I dressed them and read them a story in the usual night time ritual before bed and when I was finished the older girl asked me if I could lay in their Mom's bed with them until they fell asleep.

 

She and her younger brother asked me to tickle their backs until they fell asleep. It was precious. It was so odd in that moment too. Wasn't I just 4 laying in my bed and getting my back rubbed by my Mom? It hit me that in a minimum of 2 years I could have my own family. Super weird. Honestly it's in the back of your mind "Oh one day" and " I can't wait to make my Pinterest house!" but when it hits you like that I promise the experience is unreal. It was an unreal experience to have these two little and perfect kids snuggled up to me. I felt so incredibly blessed to have angels in my presence. The little girl told me stories about her school and friends and her Mom, that she missed her and wanted so badly for her to be home. She told me how much she hated her Mom's job and that it took her Mom away from her so much. And it broke my heart to hear this all coming from a six year old. What was I worrying about as a six year old? Certainly not the things she was, and my heart aches.

 

I realized why these kids were so sweet and perfect and it was because of who the little people they are becoming. I honestly held in my tears and just held them closer because I was so lucky to be given this moment with them.

 

I went down stairs and waited for the little boy to return home so I could bathe him and put him to bed. I took him upstairs and washed him then took him into his room so I could have a moment just to spend with him talking about his sports and his day and how he was feeling. I realized how important it was to give each of the children their own moment where they could be the only thing that mattered. And that mattered to him. I tickled his back for a few minutes before bringing him to his Mom's bed where the other kids slept. He asked me to lay down with them so I stayed and let all the peace and sweet countenance of their spirits overcome me again.

 

I haven't had a quite moment of peace and reflection for a while and that is just what I needed.

Little children asleep have never looked so beautiful. It was a sight to see, I wish I could print out this mental photograph and keep it forever. It was so sweet and innocent the experience is almost indescribable. My heart softened and I understood the love their Mother must feel every night tucking them in. I got a glimpse of the love every Mother feels for her child and I'm sure the feeling I had doesn't even compare. I understood how hard it must be for their Mom to be away from her kids so she can provide for them. My heart break a little more. And I have so much more respect for any single parent out there, and families as a whole.

 

I can definitely wait until I have my own kids, but I can't wait for the day I finally do. I will be so lucky.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

I think I like who I am becoming

I learn a little more about myself everyday. It happens slowly in bit and chunks, little things that come to my realization. Things are confirmed, and some things blow my mind.

Everyone has a concept of "who they are".

At least I thought I did, and maybe I did, but maybe I'm changing.

Maybe I'm growing. And that's not a bad thing.

 

 

If somebody had asked me 6 months ago to describe myself I probably would have said stubborn, head strong, independent. Some one who knows what they want and wont settle for less. Good at arguing, or making her point at least. Loud, outgoing, sometimes too bold.

 

I read this now and don't see me. They aren't bad qualities at all, some I wish I still acquired. It's just not me anymore.

 

 

Now I would describe myself as a bit quixotic. I keep to myself quite a lot, not because I am shy, but because I just don't speak unless there is something of worth to say.

I'm more hopeful and willing to work things out. I think a good word would be soft hearted. I am trying to be more understanding of people and their mistakes including my own. I've been trying to be less critical. People make mistakes and I've realized its not my job to judge them. I realized I need to love everyone, love them for their flaws, their talents, everything. Because God made them and everyone is perfect in His eyes. He gave everyone just what they need. When that clicked for me my whole mentality changed. A whole new part of my heart was opened up to love.

 

 

I notice the changes in small, quiet moments or self reflection.

Looking in the mirror with no one else around to observe.

Late in the night when my door is closed and I am kneeling in prayer.

Babysitting, holding a baby in my arms.

Walking home from the bus stop sometimes from school.

In the shower.

Walking through a friend's house admiring family pictures on the walls.

 

 

The youth theme of the year for my church is "Stand Ye In Holy Places."

It didn't click until this moment reflecting on all the places I was able to analyze myself and the changes. Each one of those places has become a spiritual action or place to me. I feel peace in those quiet moments and they are personal just for me.

And I think I am very lucky.

I'm thankful for the changes because I think I am becoming who Christ wants me to be.

 

 

 

 

 

I think I am becoming, who Christ wants me to be.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

Who I am

I'm not a perfectionist.

I'm not a girly girl.

I am embarrassed by selfies.

My favorite colors are white and red.

I fantasize about being picked up and spun around.

I adore country music.

I'm the middle child of 3 children.

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The only TV I watch is food network.
I love history.
The stars and the clouds are two of my favorite things.
Sometimes in OCD about organization and cleaning and other times it's organized chaos.
I'm a dedicated shower singer.
I believe flowers and medicine for the soul.
I'm clumsy.
I love to read.
I love dreaming.
I love to bake cookies.
It's almost impossible for me to pass by a candle without sniffing it, I love candles.
I love the Disney movie Aristocats.
I stay up late at night thinking and keep a notebook next to my bed to write down ideas.
I'm awful at math.
I love white sheets on my bed.
I hope for my knight in shining armor.
I want to name my first son Lehi.
I day dream about big open fields and wandering alone.
I hate feet.
I change my mind a lot.
I feel 10x better about myself when my toe nails are painted.
I love to paint.
I love to run.
I love Taylor Swift.
I'm a cry baby.
I love shoes. Lots of shoes of all kinds.
I may seem out going but I am actually very introverted.
I love pictures.
I love horses.
I love hiking.
I love adventure seeking.
I love letters.
The most perfect place in the world is a cabin in the mountains surrounded by snow in a place far from here with someone I love.
I love hugging.
I love for my back to be scratched.
I love boots.
I love fishing.
I love sour candy.
I hate doing dishes.
I'm not a jewelry lover.
I could spend all day in the shower.
I love going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned.
I love playing in the snow and snow boarding even though I'm no good.
And I'm a work in progress.



I hope everyone has learned something new about me.
I had to be quite creative when making this list :)

All my love, Lauren.



Back To December

I'm trying to think of what I want to say and how to say it. I know what I want to say but it could all come out 100 different ways and its so stressful trying to figure out how to put it all together, but I promised I would share monumental parts of my story (life) if I thought it could in some way help others. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. So here goes nothing.

 

My friend Joseph, the one I mentioned in my blog post Head First, Fearless got his mission call. In order to understand what this means to me I will have to give you all a little background information. I will start with how we met.

 

December 23, 2011 I was invited to my church with the other youth to play a game called fugitive, everyone dresses in black and it basically a giant game of cops and robbers. I don't usually go to these activities they invited me to because I was really active in the church and I didn't feel like I fit in or knew anybody, but my events for the night ended on a sudden cancelation of plans and I didn't want to spend the night just sitting around so I decided to go. I got dropped off at the church and it was freezing cold so I looked around and hopped into a random car I saw on e of the girls in my ward sitting in. We were talking for a minute before I asked who's car it was. She pointed out a guy who I later came to know as Joseph. I thought he was extremely cute standing in front of the car laughing within a group of guys. It felt like a movie moment, time standing still, me looking all starry eyed as I can imagine. I really wanted to know him. I imagine him laughing right now when I make him read this later. So the game started and I didn't see this Joseph until that round had finished and we all ended up in the neighborhood park. This is when we came up to me and introduced himself. I hopped in the shot gun of his car and we became fast friends. From that moment a year and a half ago to now he has become one of my best friends today. Over the time span of one and a half year I have become active in the church again and I give so much credit of that to him. He has always been such an example to me and motivation to be better. He's constantly teaching me lessons about life, family, the church. He is constantly teaching me about service and missionary work and how to love and the best part is that he teaches all by example. He shows me how to be better.

Here's the background story I was nervous about sharing. A week before I met Joseph I had a long prayer with my Father in Heaven, and my first one in a long time. I wanted to come back to the church so badly, I wanted to change so much and feel accepted again. I wanted to repent and rediscover the truth I knew existed but I needed help. I knew I couldn't do it on my own because I had been trying for several months and changing had been so ineffective so I prayed for someone to come into my life and help me and show me the way. That person was Joseph, and I knew it the second I saw him that God had sent into my life the closest I have ever come to an angel. In that first moment that I saw him the moment is the same every time I see him. It's confirmed every time we are together that he was brought into my life to help guide me back to the iron rod. After we became friends everything became so easy. I began to journal every single night, then it was easy to add in prayer every night, and that eventually led me to studying the BOM and Scriptures every night which has become the foundation of my testimony. I know now with a certainty and fiery burning in my soul that this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith was the Prophet that restored the Gospel on the earth, that He truly saw The Son and The Father in the Sacred Grove. I know that Christ is my Savior and my King and he suffered for all my sins, and everyone's making the Atonement real. I know the God is the Father and He loves me and is aware of me. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the true and living Prophet today and I know for a fact that if I am righteous, obedient, and faithful I can return to live in Heaven with my Savior again.

I am so blessed that Joseph came into my life when he did, and I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father sending him. The work and service he did for me will affect so many. I am so grateful.

 

Joseph leaving on his mission is such a huge deal for me because it scares me. I'm scared that I wont be able to stand with such strength when he's gone, and even though my testimony is strong and I know that what I know is true I wont have his constant reminder beside me.

 

All these thoughts came into my mind yesterday when he finally opened his call. I had anticipated it for a couple of weeks, but when the moment came to really find out where he was going and when, I kind of lost it. All my fears came alive. Would I see him after his mission or would we lose contact? Will I be able to stay strong? What am I going to do when he's gone and no longer just a call or text message away? He hugged me and I cried. Maybe if I held on extra tight I could freeze time again and get my thoughts straight and pull myself together. I had to put on a smile the rest of the right because I was helping my Mom out with an activity that was going on at out house but the second everyone left I was upstairs sitting on the floor of my shower sobbing trying to figure it all out. I couldn't figure it out myself so I knelt down in the shower and prayed. I let the water run over my back for a good 10 minutes while I poured out my soul and when I was finally finished I stood up, wiped my tears and let the over whelming peace flood over me. While I have found myself this past year and a half leaning on Joseph when grounds were shaky I realized it is not time to lean on Christ. Joseph would leave and go serve his mission and I will be absolutely fine. 

 

I instantly had a greater understanding that he would be a part of such a bigger piece of work then staying behind and making sure I was on track. He will be spending the next 2 years of his life being The Lord's hands and The Lord's mouthpiece. He would be leaving his family for 2 years, so other families could be together for eternity, and I cant think of anything more important then that. So for the past day I have been nothing but joyful. I know that sometime in the next 2 years I will have rough days and wish that he could come over and talk me through it, I know that I will miss him, and I know that I will cry, but I also know that I can call on my Savior in Heaven who will gladly take my pain away.

 

 

 

 

This is Joseph. And this is the moment I found out he was going to be serving in the Denver, Colorado mission. Have I ever mentioned that this guy gives the best hugs in the history of the world? I wish I could buy them at the store and bottle them up, then give myself one on a bad day cause these things are killer. Will knock a frown right off your face every single time. And I am SO proud of him. I have never met a person in my life so eager to serve! I'm not exaggerating when I say he will make the best missionary in the whole world. I'm hoping this all makes him very embarrassed :) And I am so ready for him to start this new chapter in his life. Gosh it will be a great one.

 

All my love, Lauren.

 

Stay Beautiful

Women are their own worst beauty critic. It's true, why do we pick at each little thing about our self that we don't like? Take a minute to watch this video, please. Absolutely incredible.

 

 

 

Good stuff, right? If you know me it's probably not too hard to imagine me crying right now. If that were me I probably would have talked about my less then flawless skin and Pinocchio nose. I probably would have thought about all the mornings I've looked in the mirror and felt sorry for what I saw. Women are their own worst beauty critic. But what if instead not looking in the mirror and seeing something we don't like we loved what we saw. What is we pushed all of the insecurities and negative thoughts out of our heads and saw our self as the world does? What if we saw our self for the beautiful daughters of God we are?

 

STOP degrading yourself, STOP judging yourself, STOP nit picking, STOP looking for flaws, STOP over working yourself, hurting yourself, and being something that you're not. You are perfect in the design God made you in. You are beautiful and you deserve to feel like you are.

 

Whether it's your hair, body, clothes, talents, whatever it is just STOP. Because you are only doing harm. Why spend another day at war with yourself. Be a little nicer, because the only person you should be trying to be better then- is the person you were yesterday. You are unique and were built to stand out that way, so be proud of who you are.

 

I promise to work harder and try more to accept myself. It's hard giving advice on a topic I need help on but we will do it together.

We are beautiful.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

 

The Last Time

When you're in the middle of a trial and searching for advice I really do think the advice you need is hiding within yourself. Right now Im heartbroken. I feel invisible to one of the most important people in my life and it sucks. It sucks to feel neglected. It sucks to feel forgotten and when you talk they rather be with anyone else. It sucks to know that you used to be their top priority but somewhere along the line you messed up and lost your status. It hurts and makes me feel totally worthless that I care so much about a person that shrugs me off.

My friend texted me about a problem shes having with another friend. It was something silly, one forgot to do something the other had asked them to do so I offered this advice... "You can't go back and change the past so why dwell on it? Lets just figure out a solution." And in the middle of my fortune cookie moment it came over me.

Its true. You can't change the past. Sometimes I think if I play my best playlist of good ol' heartbreak songs and take long bubble baths he will send me a text or ask to hang out but things don't workout that way. Sometimes and for some people they do, but you can't rely on that thread of hope because its very unlikely. If something is meant to be, it will be God's will to put you two together. So instead of sitting around and making myself miserable I will forgive him and accept the friendship between us. "Let's figure out a solution" crying wont help anything.

There's a quote that says it perfectly.

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

-Lao Tzu

Its ok to be upset and miss good times but don't let it consume you. There are better things to come, I promise.

All my love, Lauren.

Head First, Fearless.

There's no better way to jump into a blog then with a good story, but I'm hesitant about posting this because it's so personal to me. I couldn't shake the feeling I had last night telling me how important it was to share this so here is goes.

During the summer of 2012 my parents were in the middle of a divorce. They're working things out right now, but at that moment in my life it was defined by my parent's fighting. I had a concussion at the time (that's a whole other story!) and I was kicked out of my house living with my Mom.

Long story short, I was sitting on the side of the road alone, hungry, confused. I had no where to go and nobody to run to. I hadn't eaten anything in a full day. The only means of contact I had with anyone was on an outdated flip phone I had no idea how to work and was hanging on a 20% battery.

Life was looking pretty hopeless. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that this was really my life, this was really happening to me. Im a good kid. I have good grades, I am active in my church, I have great friends and I was sitting on the side of a street bawling my eyes out with no where to go.

I remember praying. I didn't even know what to say I just said "God, please take this pain from me. Please clear my mind and help me understand. Help me help myself because I don't know what to do. Give me a familiar face, please" I pleaded. I prayed out loud and I remember feeling the Holy Ghost wrap around me. It was one of the most powerful spiritual experiences I have ever had, I was so comforted. I prayed that I could feel loved and just be helped. Whatever God's plan for me was, for it to come forth and His will be done. The second I opened my eyes I couldn't fully see through the layer of tears but I remember the familiar car pulling up beside me on the side of the road.

My friend Joseph rolled down the window and asked me why I was sitting on the side of the road. When he saw me crying he didn't ask anymore and just helped me into his car and took me back to his house. I can't explain the miracle of his timing. God sent him to me to comfort me and answer my prayers. When I got back to Joseph's house he gave me medicine for my headaches. He asked me if I needed anything to eat and then served me up a bowl of pineapple. He didn't know this was my first meal in a day. He hugged me lots and didn't ask questions. He took my phone and plugged it into a charger that used to work for his old phone. We went to his basement and he put my favorite movie on and just sat and watched it with me. I felt like it was the first time I was able to relax in a week. I felt safe. I knew that everything has going to be ok. He let me sleep, and when I woke up still didn't ask questions he just constantly provided for me.

I write this and feel so humbled. Im embarrassed. Im grateful. I know God answered my prayers with Joseph and I know Joseph was worthy enough for God to work through him. He showed the ultimate service to me. I know that through the Atonement Christ suffered for me and took my pain away. He filled me with peace and contentment.

Joseph's dad gave me a blessing. It was the most comforting Father's blessing I have ever received. He's not my Father, but the peace He gave me was unexplainable. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of his blessing. It propels me and keeps me moving forward when things get hard. When the blessing was over he bent down behind me and wrapped his strong Fatherly arms around me. I didn't want him to let go because I hadn't received a hug from my own dad in at least a year. It was relieving to be in his arms I every time he hugs me I can remember the safety and security I felt.

Just like his blessing to me promised, things settles down and I was welcome back into my home. Things got worse before they got better, but they got better. My testimony grew along with my relationship with God, my Eternal Father, and Christ, His son and my Lord and King. I am so grateful for that day. As awful and wonderful as it was I reflect on it in bittersweet memory and it remains in one of the closest and most sacred places of my heart.

I am a child of God and he hears my prayers and loves me. He only gives me trials he knows I can over come and become stronger in. I am so blessed that He trusted me with such a difficult trial. I am eternally grateful to Joseph and his whole family who continue to love me and treat me as family today. I thank his Mom for the comforting words of advice she gave me, Im thankful to his Dad for giving me a blessing, I thankful to his parents for teaching their son how to serve and having such an amazing home where the Holy Ghost constantly dwells. And I am eternally grateful to Joseph for the lessons of service he has taught me. He's one of the people who can never give enough. Im thankful for all he has done for me and the service he still gives.

I know God lives and loves me.

I say these things in the name of Christ my Savior, Amen.

All my love, Lauren.

Finally

          For the past 3 years I've wanted a blog. Trust me I've tried to make them, customize them, write them, and I just never got a hang of it. (I'm cursed with technological retardation), but something lit a fire under my butt a couple days ago and so I have spent the past approximate 72 hours configuring this blog and just figuring it out. Hence the blog title "Finally...."

         I'm really excited to get this blog started. Basically it's just going to be my thoughts, rants, pictures, aka my online journal. I want to be able to document the things I'm going through because lately my life has been one crazy whirlwind. It feels good to know that I will have it all typed up and organized to be found in one central place.

        I hope that with this blog people can relate to the things I'm going through. I hope people can laugh at my mistakes, learn better for themselves, or maybe pick up a few tips :-) So here we go. Head first, fearless.

All my love, Lauren.