I think I like who I am becoming

I learn a little more about myself everyday. It happens slowly in bit and chunks, little things that come to my realization. Things are confirmed, and some things blow my mind.

Everyone has a concept of "who they are".

At least I thought I did, and maybe I did, but maybe I'm changing.

Maybe I'm growing. And that's not a bad thing.

 

 

If somebody had asked me 6 months ago to describe myself I probably would have said stubborn, head strong, independent. Some one who knows what they want and wont settle for less. Good at arguing, or making her point at least. Loud, outgoing, sometimes too bold.

 

I read this now and don't see me. They aren't bad qualities at all, some I wish I still acquired. It's just not me anymore.

 

 

Now I would describe myself as a bit quixotic. I keep to myself quite a lot, not because I am shy, but because I just don't speak unless there is something of worth to say.

I'm more hopeful and willing to work things out. I think a good word would be soft hearted. I am trying to be more understanding of people and their mistakes including my own. I've been trying to be less critical. People make mistakes and I've realized its not my job to judge them. I realized I need to love everyone, love them for their flaws, their talents, everything. Because God made them and everyone is perfect in His eyes. He gave everyone just what they need. When that clicked for me my whole mentality changed. A whole new part of my heart was opened up to love.

 

 

I notice the changes in small, quiet moments or self reflection.

Looking in the mirror with no one else around to observe.

Late in the night when my door is closed and I am kneeling in prayer.

Babysitting, holding a baby in my arms.

Walking home from the bus stop sometimes from school.

In the shower.

Walking through a friend's house admiring family pictures on the walls.

 

 

The youth theme of the year for my church is "Stand Ye In Holy Places."

It didn't click until this moment reflecting on all the places I was able to analyze myself and the changes. Each one of those places has become a spiritual action or place to me. I feel peace in those quiet moments and they are personal just for me.

And I think I am very lucky.

I'm thankful for the changes because I think I am becoming who Christ wants me to be.

 

 

 

 

 

I think I am becoming, who Christ wants me to be.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.