When Exhastion Takes Over

I have been up every night the past two week until at least 12.

AT LEAST. Up journaling, reading scriptures, projects, homework. It's unbelievable really. Lack of sleep is starting to take over, but thank goodness only 2 more real days of school right? All my projects are in and I'm feeling good for the most part. I'm just ready for summer to start. to get a full night of sleep.

 

So mostly I'm just trying to play catch up and let y'all know what I have been up to. Thank goodness my blog isn't a child or a pet because it would probably be dead by now. I apologize again.

So where were we..?

 

 

Elder David Scherf is now an official missionary. Woah, felt like yesterday we were walking around neighborhoods passing out flyers and taking polls for the presidential campaign but I guess it was really 7 months ago. It's depressing how time flys. I feel like I never got enough time with him. All those times he invited me over to watch movies or go out to eat I'm regretting a little too much that I turned down. I miss him, I will miss his stories and I will miss his advice, but he's only 7-8 business days away! Czech/Slovakia is very lucky. Well currently the MTC is very lucky but you get the point. He's a great guy and will serve an uber wonderful and faithful mission. I'm excited to see all he will accomplish.

 

 

 

I'm trying this dating thing out. It's hard. I don't think I will ever get a hang of it. Being so natural and comfortable with one person is easy, then you try to mix it up and date around more and then all the sudden I'm a beginner again. This sucks, but I guess I have got to live what I am always preaching.

 

So recently I have realized I only have like 3 good friends. Many friends but only 3 friends. You know the solid stick with ya ones? I think I value the concept quality over quantity so there is that. It's not a good or bad thing, just an odd realization.

 

 

SO I AM TOTALLY TICKED AT MYSELF. I never wrote about this super awesome race I ran in a couple weeks ago?! Grr... Really? Where have I been? Because this was monumental to me. I was invited to go to another stake's track meet. There was a 5k and some sprints/relays. The 5k was amazing, I ran it with this adorable 11 year old. I can't explain the bonding we had but we were besties by the end of this race. I loved her, she's what kept me going. Then I ran in the sprints! I subbed for the Young Women position for a ward in the stake and it was intense. First a Relief Society woman would run, then pass it to a Primary child, who passed it to the Young Woman me, who then passed it to an Elder who took it home. I was ready. Only I would take this silly little track meet and race so seriously, but I was there. Standing at my starting line. I watched us take an early lead once the Primary kid got ahead of the crowd and passed it to the Young Man who was flying. He got closer and closer to me, it seemed like he was flying he was running so fast then next thing you know I picked up his momentum and was running right along side of him. I finished my 100 before passing it to the Elder and there were no Young Women running beside me. That was a great feeling. I love going fast. We won too! And I got this cute little trophy, I adore it. I set it up in my room. I know it's cheesey but hey, it finally feels good to be good at something.

 

And that's about it! I went to Hawaii and cracked my head open, but that's no big deal. If you really want to know just leave me a comment and I will create a post with all the juicy details, but I doubt there is anyone that interested.

 

All my love, Lauren.



Tender Mercies

Here I am. Brought once again to my laptop at ridiculous hours in the night.

Seminary in the morning, I have been up since four am and working all day, but hey I can't control the random urges of inspiration and when I receive them. All I know is that when I witness such a miracle as I did today, it needs to be documented. And quick, so I don't forget a single precious detail. I hope I can remember it all.

 

 

Babysitting is an... adventure sigh. Most of the time it means dirty diapers, crying, make shift meals and bed time stories, but every once and a while something amazing happens. Like tonight, I babysat for a women in my ward at church with a touching story. Recently divorced she is working more then ever and readjusting to single parent life. She is amazing. My sister took on the job of babysitting her 3 kids while she took a 3 day trip to a neighboring state to take care of some business. My sister who is juggling a few jobs called on me to watch her kids today so she could work and this job was not like the rest.

 

We played, made dinner, attempted the dishes and snuggled on the couch to watch Bubble Guppies.

Her kids were so loving and affectionate towards me. They latched onto arms, legs, my torso, always gave me kisses and hugs. I ate it up of course. Who would deny 3 of the cutest most lovable kids on Earth? When it started to get later I brought 2 of the 3 kids upstairs for a bath because one of them was at sports practice. These kids were unbelievable- in the good way. They humor me. Seriously they are hilarious. I fixed their bath tub with bubbles and turned on the jets and we had a hay day. They bathed for a good 45 minutes and just had a blast! I threw them in the shower to rinse off then wrapped them like a burrito in their towels and carried them like babies to their bed. I dressed them and read them a story in the usual night time ritual before bed and when I was finished the older girl asked me if I could lay in their Mom's bed with them until they fell asleep.

 

She and her younger brother asked me to tickle their backs until they fell asleep. It was precious. It was so odd in that moment too. Wasn't I just 4 laying in my bed and getting my back rubbed by my Mom? It hit me that in a minimum of 2 years I could have my own family. Super weird. Honestly it's in the back of your mind "Oh one day" and " I can't wait to make my Pinterest house!" but when it hits you like that I promise the experience is unreal. It was an unreal experience to have these two little and perfect kids snuggled up to me. I felt so incredibly blessed to have angels in my presence. The little girl told me stories about her school and friends and her Mom, that she missed her and wanted so badly for her to be home. She told me how much she hated her Mom's job and that it took her Mom away from her so much. And it broke my heart to hear this all coming from a six year old. What was I worrying about as a six year old? Certainly not the things she was, and my heart aches.

 

I realized why these kids were so sweet and perfect and it was because of who the little people they are becoming. I honestly held in my tears and just held them closer because I was so lucky to be given this moment with them.

 

I went down stairs and waited for the little boy to return home so I could bathe him and put him to bed. I took him upstairs and washed him then took him into his room so I could have a moment just to spend with him talking about his sports and his day and how he was feeling. I realized how important it was to give each of the children their own moment where they could be the only thing that mattered. And that mattered to him. I tickled his back for a few minutes before bringing him to his Mom's bed where the other kids slept. He asked me to lay down with them so I stayed and let all the peace and sweet countenance of their spirits overcome me again.

 

I haven't had a quite moment of peace and reflection for a while and that is just what I needed.

Little children asleep have never looked so beautiful. It was a sight to see, I wish I could print out this mental photograph and keep it forever. It was so sweet and innocent the experience is almost indescribable. My heart softened and I understood the love their Mother must feel every night tucking them in. I got a glimpse of the love every Mother feels for her child and I'm sure the feeling I had doesn't even compare. I understood how hard it must be for their Mom to be away from her kids so she can provide for them. My heart break a little more. And I have so much more respect for any single parent out there, and families as a whole.

 

I can definitely wait until I have my own kids, but I can't wait for the day I finally do. I will be so lucky.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

I think I like who I am becoming

I learn a little more about myself everyday. It happens slowly in bit and chunks, little things that come to my realization. Things are confirmed, and some things blow my mind.

Everyone has a concept of "who they are".

At least I thought I did, and maybe I did, but maybe I'm changing.

Maybe I'm growing. And that's not a bad thing.

 

 

If somebody had asked me 6 months ago to describe myself I probably would have said stubborn, head strong, independent. Some one who knows what they want and wont settle for less. Good at arguing, or making her point at least. Loud, outgoing, sometimes too bold.

 

I read this now and don't see me. They aren't bad qualities at all, some I wish I still acquired. It's just not me anymore.

 

 

Now I would describe myself as a bit quixotic. I keep to myself quite a lot, not because I am shy, but because I just don't speak unless there is something of worth to say.

I'm more hopeful and willing to work things out. I think a good word would be soft hearted. I am trying to be more understanding of people and their mistakes including my own. I've been trying to be less critical. People make mistakes and I've realized its not my job to judge them. I realized I need to love everyone, love them for their flaws, their talents, everything. Because God made them and everyone is perfect in His eyes. He gave everyone just what they need. When that clicked for me my whole mentality changed. A whole new part of my heart was opened up to love.

 

 

I notice the changes in small, quiet moments or self reflection.

Looking in the mirror with no one else around to observe.

Late in the night when my door is closed and I am kneeling in prayer.

Babysitting, holding a baby in my arms.

Walking home from the bus stop sometimes from school.

In the shower.

Walking through a friend's house admiring family pictures on the walls.

 

 

The youth theme of the year for my church is "Stand Ye In Holy Places."

It didn't click until this moment reflecting on all the places I was able to analyze myself and the changes. Each one of those places has become a spiritual action or place to me. I feel peace in those quiet moments and they are personal just for me.

And I think I am very lucky.

I'm thankful for the changes because I think I am becoming who Christ wants me to be.

 

 

 

 

 

I think I am becoming, who Christ wants me to be.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

Who I am

I'm not a perfectionist.

I'm not a girly girl.

I am embarrassed by selfies.

My favorite colors are white and red.

I fantasize about being picked up and spun around.

I adore country music.

I'm the middle child of 3 children.

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The only TV I watch is food network.
I love history.
The stars and the clouds are two of my favorite things.
Sometimes in OCD about organization and cleaning and other times it's organized chaos.
I'm a dedicated shower singer.
I believe flowers and medicine for the soul.
I'm clumsy.
I love to read.
I love dreaming.
I love to bake cookies.
It's almost impossible for me to pass by a candle without sniffing it, I love candles.
I love the Disney movie Aristocats.
I stay up late at night thinking and keep a notebook next to my bed to write down ideas.
I'm awful at math.
I love white sheets on my bed.
I hope for my knight in shining armor.
I want to name my first son Lehi.
I day dream about big open fields and wandering alone.
I hate feet.
I change my mind a lot.
I feel 10x better about myself when my toe nails are painted.
I love to paint.
I love to run.
I love Taylor Swift.
I'm a cry baby.
I love shoes. Lots of shoes of all kinds.
I may seem out going but I am actually very introverted.
I love pictures.
I love horses.
I love hiking.
I love adventure seeking.
I love letters.
The most perfect place in the world is a cabin in the mountains surrounded by snow in a place far from here with someone I love.
I love hugging.
I love for my back to be scratched.
I love boots.
I love fishing.
I love sour candy.
I hate doing dishes.
I'm not a jewelry lover.
I could spend all day in the shower.
I love going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned.
I love playing in the snow and snow boarding even though I'm no good.
And I'm a work in progress.



I hope everyone has learned something new about me.
I had to be quite creative when making this list :)

All my love, Lauren.