Back To December

I'm trying to think of what I want to say and how to say it. I know what I want to say but it could all come out 100 different ways and its so stressful trying to figure out how to put it all together, but I promised I would share monumental parts of my story (life) if I thought it could in some way help others. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. So here goes nothing.

 

My friend Joseph, the one I mentioned in my blog post Head First, Fearless got his mission call. In order to understand what this means to me I will have to give you all a little background information. I will start with how we met.

 

December 23, 2011 I was invited to my church with the other youth to play a game called fugitive, everyone dresses in black and it basically a giant game of cops and robbers. I don't usually go to these activities they invited me to because I was really active in the church and I didn't feel like I fit in or knew anybody, but my events for the night ended on a sudden cancelation of plans and I didn't want to spend the night just sitting around so I decided to go. I got dropped off at the church and it was freezing cold so I looked around and hopped into a random car I saw on e of the girls in my ward sitting in. We were talking for a minute before I asked who's car it was. She pointed out a guy who I later came to know as Joseph. I thought he was extremely cute standing in front of the car laughing within a group of guys. It felt like a movie moment, time standing still, me looking all starry eyed as I can imagine. I really wanted to know him. I imagine him laughing right now when I make him read this later. So the game started and I didn't see this Joseph until that round had finished and we all ended up in the neighborhood park. This is when we came up to me and introduced himself. I hopped in the shot gun of his car and we became fast friends. From that moment a year and a half ago to now he has become one of my best friends today. Over the time span of one and a half year I have become active in the church again and I give so much credit of that to him. He has always been such an example to me and motivation to be better. He's constantly teaching me lessons about life, family, the church. He is constantly teaching me about service and missionary work and how to love and the best part is that he teaches all by example. He shows me how to be better.

Here's the background story I was nervous about sharing. A week before I met Joseph I had a long prayer with my Father in Heaven, and my first one in a long time. I wanted to come back to the church so badly, I wanted to change so much and feel accepted again. I wanted to repent and rediscover the truth I knew existed but I needed help. I knew I couldn't do it on my own because I had been trying for several months and changing had been so ineffective so I prayed for someone to come into my life and help me and show me the way. That person was Joseph, and I knew it the second I saw him that God had sent into my life the closest I have ever come to an angel. In that first moment that I saw him the moment is the same every time I see him. It's confirmed every time we are together that he was brought into my life to help guide me back to the iron rod. After we became friends everything became so easy. I began to journal every single night, then it was easy to add in prayer every night, and that eventually led me to studying the BOM and Scriptures every night which has become the foundation of my testimony. I know now with a certainty and fiery burning in my soul that this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith was the Prophet that restored the Gospel on the earth, that He truly saw The Son and The Father in the Sacred Grove. I know that Christ is my Savior and my King and he suffered for all my sins, and everyone's making the Atonement real. I know the God is the Father and He loves me and is aware of me. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the true and living Prophet today and I know for a fact that if I am righteous, obedient, and faithful I can return to live in Heaven with my Savior again.

I am so blessed that Joseph came into my life when he did, and I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father sending him. The work and service he did for me will affect so many. I am so grateful.

 

Joseph leaving on his mission is such a huge deal for me because it scares me. I'm scared that I wont be able to stand with such strength when he's gone, and even though my testimony is strong and I know that what I know is true I wont have his constant reminder beside me.

 

All these thoughts came into my mind yesterday when he finally opened his call. I had anticipated it for a couple of weeks, but when the moment came to really find out where he was going and when, I kind of lost it. All my fears came alive. Would I see him after his mission or would we lose contact? Will I be able to stay strong? What am I going to do when he's gone and no longer just a call or text message away? He hugged me and I cried. Maybe if I held on extra tight I could freeze time again and get my thoughts straight and pull myself together. I had to put on a smile the rest of the right because I was helping my Mom out with an activity that was going on at out house but the second everyone left I was upstairs sitting on the floor of my shower sobbing trying to figure it all out. I couldn't figure it out myself so I knelt down in the shower and prayed. I let the water run over my back for a good 10 minutes while I poured out my soul and when I was finally finished I stood up, wiped my tears and let the over whelming peace flood over me. While I have found myself this past year and a half leaning on Joseph when grounds were shaky I realized it is not time to lean on Christ. Joseph would leave and go serve his mission and I will be absolutely fine. 

 

I instantly had a greater understanding that he would be a part of such a bigger piece of work then staying behind and making sure I was on track. He will be spending the next 2 years of his life being The Lord's hands and The Lord's mouthpiece. He would be leaving his family for 2 years, so other families could be together for eternity, and I cant think of anything more important then that. So for the past day I have been nothing but joyful. I know that sometime in the next 2 years I will have rough days and wish that he could come over and talk me through it, I know that I will miss him, and I know that I will cry, but I also know that I can call on my Savior in Heaven who will gladly take my pain away.

 

 

 

 

This is Joseph. And this is the moment I found out he was going to be serving in the Denver, Colorado mission. Have I ever mentioned that this guy gives the best hugs in the history of the world? I wish I could buy them at the store and bottle them up, then give myself one on a bad day cause these things are killer. Will knock a frown right off your face every single time. And I am SO proud of him. I have never met a person in my life so eager to serve! I'm not exaggerating when I say he will make the best missionary in the whole world. I'm hoping this all makes him very embarrassed :) And I am so ready for him to start this new chapter in his life. Gosh it will be a great one.

 

All my love, Lauren.

 

Best Browned Butter Cookies

Last week a girl friend of mine came over and we decided to bake some cookies after school so I looked up a recipe for brown butter chocolate chip cookies one of my YW leaders told me about. If these things are wrong I don't want to be right. I know this isn't a food blog but it would seriously be a crime not to share!!! They are TO DIE FOR.

 

Ingredients

• 1 cup (236 grams) unsalted butter
• 1/2 cup (100 grams) sugar
• 1 cup (215 grams) brown sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 1/2 cup (300 grams) all purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups (1 lb, 450 grams) semi-sweet chocolate chips
• Coarse salt, for sprinkling (optional)

 

Instructions

1. In a medium saucepan over low heat, melt the butter. Once melted, continue to cook until it turns golden brown. Swirl the pan occasionally if needed so that it browns evenly. Watch it fairly closely, as it can go from brown to burned quickly. When the color has turned golden, small flecks speckle the butter, and it has a nutty aroma, remove from heat and poor into a shallow dish. Chill in the fridge until it becomes solid. You want it to be soft, but not melted. If it cool too hard, let it come back to room temperature before using.
2. Preheat oven to 375 degrees and line a sheet pan with parchment paper.
3. Beat the brown butter, sugar, and brown sugar on medium high speed with an electric mixer until light and creamy, about 4 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing after each. Add the vanilla extract.
4. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, and salt. Add to the wet ingredients and mix until just combined. Add the chocolate chips and mix until incorporated.
5. Spoon by the tablespoon onto the prepared baking sheet, leaving 2 inches in between each cookie. Sprinkle with coarse salt, if desired. Bake until golden brown, 10-12 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes on the pan before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
6. Store cookies in an airtight container at room temperature.

 

 

I have made these cookies twice since last week and they have turned out great every time! This recipe has made approximately 36 cookies each time and they are gone within hours at my house.

Granted I come from a family with a crazy sweet tooth.

But that doesn't matter because these cookies are just ridiculous!

 

If you have never browned butter before trying this recipe, like me, just do it! You will have to learn at some point or another and that is what really makes these cookies! It's time consuming but really, really worth it. They wouldn't be the same if the butter wasn't browned. And yes... when it is done it is supposed to look like this.

 

 

The gritty stuff in the bottom is what makes it mhm mhm good. It freaked me out at first though, but its totally normal. I would also suggest making the butter a couple hours ahead of time because it does take so gosh darn long. Cook it up and let it sit in the fridge to cool until you are ready to actually get the baking going.

 

 

I will make these cookies again and again until the day I die. I've already gotten the recipe memorized! Please help yourselves! Let me know how they turn out for you!

 

 

Love always, Lauren.

 



Aimless

I have been so awful with updating, I wish I had enough time to write everyday but I also wish I didn't have to wear a bra. Some things in life just aren't fair!

 

Because I have been so awful with updating and I have nothing in particular to rant about, I will just flood you all with pictures and the random thoughts that perplex my mind.

I'm gushing at the thought that some people might actually care about reading my blog

So here goes nothing!

 

College. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to go to BYUI. Don't know why the topic of college bothers me so much if I love BYUI and want to go there so badly? It's where I have pictured myself forever, I love the weather and location, want to get married fresh out of high school, its inexpensive and perfect. So why do I think about that decision so much? Well probably because it will dictate my life and who I do end up marrying. Hmm. I'm stumped. Don't know what it is about me that makes me so obsessive compulsive about the future because I'm always so worried about it, must just be something programed in me. There's nothing wrong with being prepared?

 

Kissing. It should be short and sweet and personal. PERSONAL. So you shouldn't talk about it like the weather. That's all I'm going to say.

 

"And you stood there in front of me just close enough to touch. Close enough to hope you couldn't see what I was thinking of" -Taylor Swift

 

"Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time"

-Come What May, Moulin Rouge

This song has been stuck in my head all week

 

Pimples. Gosh I hate them. They're like your crazy ex, always showing up at the worst time and ruining everything. UGGH.

 

Junk food. We have a love/hate relationship, shamefully its mostly a love relationship. I either find myself eating reeeallllyyy reaaally healthy or crap. Just me? And as soon as I have a really good healthy food streak going on I wind up eating an ice cream cone or two

I'm weak for soft serve

Or a big bag of BBQ Pop chips, oh my those are heavenly. I don't think my eating habits are normal. I should probably work on that.

 

Technology. Are we plugging in or tuning out? Seriously, technology can be so helpful sometimes! I constantly use it for looking up recipes, its a study tool, great way to keep up with friends,       *cough, cough* blog. -but are we using it for good as much as we use it for bad? How many times in the day could you be doing something better with your time but you just sit and idol on your phone checking your fave social media outlet or playing back in a word game? Think about it. Probably more then you should, huh? Because I know I do! I have a gal friend who gave up her phone for a week, willingly. Yes... WILLINGLY. The will power of this girl, sheesh. I should take more notes. But really, she just ranted and raved to me about how much more peace she felt and how much more productive she ways. Yes she missed her Instagram and Pinterest for the first two days but after that didn't even miss it! Now that she has her phone again she still checks them, but its not an urgent compulsive check for updates. This got me thinking. Technology is GREAT, but not a necessity to live. So here I am promising to spend less time idling on my phone and maybe more time cleaning my room :)

I'm sure that would make my Mom very, very happy.

 

 

That's about it for the thoughts category, now here are a few photos that summed up my week!

 

 

Ahh, having a cat means you are never alone

 

 

The joys of babysitting:) I love this cute boy and love when he snuggles up in my arms!

 



 

I mentioned early I had a love for soft serve ice cream... I was proud of my perfect "swirly" on the top

 

 

This is my sweet friend Maddie :) She's gorgeous and has AMAZING hair. This is right before we went to a regional dance she let me do her hair! I was quite proud of my work ;)

 

And these are my four great friends in school. I typically don't do dress up spirit days but today was the exception. Happy Workout-Wednesday everyone!

 

 

Well, that pretty much sums this one up. I know it was all pretty aimless and random but I always feel a lot better when I can vent and write out everything that has been on my mind.

I hope you aren't too disturbed

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

 

 

Stay Beautiful

Women are their own worst beauty critic. It's true, why do we pick at each little thing about our self that we don't like? Take a minute to watch this video, please. Absolutely incredible.

 

 

 

Good stuff, right? If you know me it's probably not too hard to imagine me crying right now. If that were me I probably would have talked about my less then flawless skin and Pinocchio nose. I probably would have thought about all the mornings I've looked in the mirror and felt sorry for what I saw. Women are their own worst beauty critic. But what if instead not looking in the mirror and seeing something we don't like we loved what we saw. What is we pushed all of the insecurities and negative thoughts out of our heads and saw our self as the world does? What if we saw our self for the beautiful daughters of God we are?

 

STOP degrading yourself, STOP judging yourself, STOP nit picking, STOP looking for flaws, STOP over working yourself, hurting yourself, and being something that you're not. You are perfect in the design God made you in. You are beautiful and you deserve to feel like you are.

 

Whether it's your hair, body, clothes, talents, whatever it is just STOP. Because you are only doing harm. Why spend another day at war with yourself. Be a little nicer, because the only person you should be trying to be better then- is the person you were yesterday. You are unique and were built to stand out that way, so be proud of who you are.

 

I promise to work harder and try more to accept myself. It's hard giving advice on a topic I need help on but we will do it together.

We are beautiful.

 

 

All my love, Lauren.

 

The Last Time

When you're in the middle of a trial and searching for advice I really do think the advice you need is hiding within yourself. Right now Im heartbroken. I feel invisible to one of the most important people in my life and it sucks. It sucks to feel neglected. It sucks to feel forgotten and when you talk they rather be with anyone else. It sucks to know that you used to be their top priority but somewhere along the line you messed up and lost your status. It hurts and makes me feel totally worthless that I care so much about a person that shrugs me off.

My friend texted me about a problem shes having with another friend. It was something silly, one forgot to do something the other had asked them to do so I offered this advice... "You can't go back and change the past so why dwell on it? Lets just figure out a solution." And in the middle of my fortune cookie moment it came over me.

Its true. You can't change the past. Sometimes I think if I play my best playlist of good ol' heartbreak songs and take long bubble baths he will send me a text or ask to hang out but things don't workout that way. Sometimes and for some people they do, but you can't rely on that thread of hope because its very unlikely. If something is meant to be, it will be God's will to put you two together. So instead of sitting around and making myself miserable I will forgive him and accept the friendship between us. "Let's figure out a solution" crying wont help anything.

There's a quote that says it perfectly.

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

-Lao Tzu

Its ok to be upset and miss good times but don't let it consume you. There are better things to come, I promise.

All my love, Lauren.

Our song

Ah it's Wednesday. My family calls it "hump day" (please don't ask), friends call it the day you better wear pink or you can't sit with us day, and I call it hell. It's leaning toward the end of the week but not really because you still have two more days of work. Uh, Wednesdays. This week's Wednesday has been extra miserable, Im sick and have extra fun plans for the weekend so time is dwelling in every-single-second.

The only way I know how to pass time is music, oh glorious music. Drowns out the teachers and fellow students at school, motivation at work outs and the playlist of my life. I love music and sometimes I think its the only thing getting me by.

These are currently my top 10 getting me by, yes I know there is a lot of Taylor Swift. Haha it's just been one of those weeks ;) Check them out!

All my love, Lauren.

A Perfectly Good Heart

Boy talk. I've had my fair share of crushes, breakups, makeups, fall outs, and misunderstandings but boys have never in my life been more difficult or confusing as they are right now. I turned 16 a month ago and being mormon thats kind of a big deal. Its a big deal no matter how old you are! You can date, drive, work, you become "double the age of accountability" and you get a whole knew level of responsibility. This should be the time of my life right?

I don't mean to complain, Im pretty happy in my life! I guess Im just saying that dating is hard! Ever since the mission age change for guys turned to 18 I feel like every guy I talk to wants a girlfriend of MG (missionary girlfriend) and one day I hope I get that opportunity, but I just want to date! I want to go out on lots of dates and get to know lots of different people. I want to explore different personalities and find out what I like. If I don't ever try it how will I ever know what I could have missed out on?

When I was younger and watched my older sister and friends go out on dates it seemed like everyone had a date every weekend! Mormons are famous for loving going on dates right? All the sudden I turned 16 and nobody seems to be an active dater anymore? I have even heard some of my guy friends complain about not going on any dates!? What did you expect? That girls would pick up that initiative? Sorry no, I would feel like Im taking your man card. I guess to sum up my rant, girl want to go on dates, boys want to go on date, girls don't want to ask, guys its your job to so start asking!

I know that is extremely bold of me to say, but definitely needed to be said.

All my love, Lauren.

Head First, Fearless.

There's no better way to jump into a blog then with a good story, but I'm hesitant about posting this because it's so personal to me. I couldn't shake the feeling I had last night telling me how important it was to share this so here is goes.

During the summer of 2012 my parents were in the middle of a divorce. They're working things out right now, but at that moment in my life it was defined by my parent's fighting. I had a concussion at the time (that's a whole other story!) and I was kicked out of my house living with my Mom.

Long story short, I was sitting on the side of the road alone, hungry, confused. I had no where to go and nobody to run to. I hadn't eaten anything in a full day. The only means of contact I had with anyone was on an outdated flip phone I had no idea how to work and was hanging on a 20% battery.

Life was looking pretty hopeless. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that this was really my life, this was really happening to me. Im a good kid. I have good grades, I am active in my church, I have great friends and I was sitting on the side of a street bawling my eyes out with no where to go.

I remember praying. I didn't even know what to say I just said "God, please take this pain from me. Please clear my mind and help me understand. Help me help myself because I don't know what to do. Give me a familiar face, please" I pleaded. I prayed out loud and I remember feeling the Holy Ghost wrap around me. It was one of the most powerful spiritual experiences I have ever had, I was so comforted. I prayed that I could feel loved and just be helped. Whatever God's plan for me was, for it to come forth and His will be done. The second I opened my eyes I couldn't fully see through the layer of tears but I remember the familiar car pulling up beside me on the side of the road.

My friend Joseph rolled down the window and asked me why I was sitting on the side of the road. When he saw me crying he didn't ask anymore and just helped me into his car and took me back to his house. I can't explain the miracle of his timing. God sent him to me to comfort me and answer my prayers. When I got back to Joseph's house he gave me medicine for my headaches. He asked me if I needed anything to eat and then served me up a bowl of pineapple. He didn't know this was my first meal in a day. He hugged me lots and didn't ask questions. He took my phone and plugged it into a charger that used to work for his old phone. We went to his basement and he put my favorite movie on and just sat and watched it with me. I felt like it was the first time I was able to relax in a week. I felt safe. I knew that everything has going to be ok. He let me sleep, and when I woke up still didn't ask questions he just constantly provided for me.

I write this and feel so humbled. Im embarrassed. Im grateful. I know God answered my prayers with Joseph and I know Joseph was worthy enough for God to work through him. He showed the ultimate service to me. I know that through the Atonement Christ suffered for me and took my pain away. He filled me with peace and contentment.

Joseph's dad gave me a blessing. It was the most comforting Father's blessing I have ever received. He's not my Father, but the peace He gave me was unexplainable. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of his blessing. It propels me and keeps me moving forward when things get hard. When the blessing was over he bent down behind me and wrapped his strong Fatherly arms around me. I didn't want him to let go because I hadn't received a hug from my own dad in at least a year. It was relieving to be in his arms I every time he hugs me I can remember the safety and security I felt.

Just like his blessing to me promised, things settles down and I was welcome back into my home. Things got worse before they got better, but they got better. My testimony grew along with my relationship with God, my Eternal Father, and Christ, His son and my Lord and King. I am so grateful for that day. As awful and wonderful as it was I reflect on it in bittersweet memory and it remains in one of the closest and most sacred places of my heart.

I am a child of God and he hears my prayers and loves me. He only gives me trials he knows I can over come and become stronger in. I am so blessed that He trusted me with such a difficult trial. I am eternally grateful to Joseph and his whole family who continue to love me and treat me as family today. I thank his Mom for the comforting words of advice she gave me, Im thankful to his Dad for giving me a blessing, I thankful to his parents for teaching their son how to serve and having such an amazing home where the Holy Ghost constantly dwells. And I am eternally grateful to Joseph for the lessons of service he has taught me. He's one of the people who can never give enough. Im thankful for all he has done for me and the service he still gives.

I know God lives and loves me.

I say these things in the name of Christ my Savior, Amen.

All my love, Lauren.

Finally

          For the past 3 years I've wanted a blog. Trust me I've tried to make them, customize them, write them, and I just never got a hang of it. (I'm cursed with technological retardation), but something lit a fire under my butt a couple days ago and so I have spent the past approximate 72 hours configuring this blog and just figuring it out. Hence the blog title "Finally...."

         I'm really excited to get this blog started. Basically it's just going to be my thoughts, rants, pictures, aka my online journal. I want to be able to document the things I'm going through because lately my life has been one crazy whirlwind. It feels good to know that I will have it all typed up and organized to be found in one central place.

        I hope that with this blog people can relate to the things I'm going through. I hope people can laugh at my mistakes, learn better for themselves, or maybe pick up a few tips :-) So here we go. Head first, fearless.

All my love, Lauren.